Hello and welcome to my website! Here you can find some random tidbits about me, links to various places to purchase my amazing books, ways to contact me, and a blog where I will sometimes ramble away! So wander around, explore, don't keep your arms in the car at all times, and do pet/feed the animals. They are friendly...except for that moose over there. He ate a child last week. One bite and the kid was gone. It was odd and we all try not to make eye contact with the moose anymore. He looks twichy. But anyway, I would like to say thank you. It means a lot to me, with all the other internet things you could be doing, you opted to stop by here. That is simply the nicest thing you could ever do for me. Your gold star is in the mail!

11.02.2011

Bits N Pieces

I don't have a real topic in mind right now, maybe several little ones, so lets see what comes out. Come along with me, dear reader, on a journey of words and ideas. Don't hurt yourself. Stay in line. Hold hands with those in front of you and form a chain like the kids in Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Thank you.

1: Check this out:


Yup, my sweet ass in my sweet ass Halloween costume. Look at that rack, amazing. And who is the furry friend with me? Why that is my sweet ass Brian dressed as Wilfred complete with fake bong and tennis ball. We are so hot. Probably Brian more than me cause of the fur. And if you didn't already know, I madly love him. I am not just saying that cause Alice = Mad Hatter = Mad. I love love love love love him lots. Got it, punks?!

2: Why in the fucking hell did I see 738 commericals in an hour time span for Christmas? GAH! We just tossed the dirt on the Halloween grave, show some respect. Don't make me rip your tree topper down and stab you in the eye. Respect.

3: Today was one of those days were being an hourly employee really bothered the hell out of me. I was done with that I needed to get done by lunch time and I would have loved to go home...but oh no, I have to work a full day to get paid. And it makes me think of all those days when I had SSSOOO much work to do and would work a 10 or more hour day, but since overtime wasn't being offered I had to go home. I would seriously be so much more helpful to my company if I was salary. Damnit.

4: I am getting really excited that it is almost Friday so it is almost time to sign up for Weight Watchers. My Mom has been at it for 2 (?) weeks now and she is already down 6 pounds. I want to be on the damn plan! NOW! I was thinking at work when I was waiting for the time to pass that if I could loose 2 pounds a week, by this time next year I would be down 100. Amazing! I want to loose 100...just as long as my ass and tits don't disappear. That would be upsetting. Like really painfully upsetting.

5: Was there ever a movie made where a person is shrunk down in a submarine and placed in a lava lamp? Or a horror movie about a killer murders people with hot lava lamps? Just asking cause this lava lamp next to me is so pretty....lava....lllllaaaaaavvvvvvaaaaaaa.....

6: I joined Pininterest or however it is spelled and I can't decide if I can get into it. Like it is fun to look at the shit that other people put out there, but I rarely sit and pin my own shit. That sounds awful, pin my own shit. Eww. Poop. HaHaHa. Poop is one of the greatest words ever. Poop Poop Poop HAHAHAHA!!!

Apparently I am getting nutty so I will sign off. Thanks for playing everyone. Your check is in the mail.
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